Is Your Past Getting In The Way Of Your Future
Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the way of life; granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasures of living with You forever."
"granting me the joy of Your presence" this jumped out at me today. Reminding me of the sermon we heard in church this week. Our pastor admitted that when he was 12 years old, and his father died of a heroin overdose, he was VERY angry at God. He knew there was a God, but couldn't wrap his mind around God allowing such pain. He called himself an 'angry-theist' not an 'atheist' because he understood that God is the One who created everything. However, in the middle of his pain and anger, he didn't see how 'pain' was a part of God. He felt that if God "loved" us (him in particular) that He would have stopped his fathers death.
Then one day someone told him, in the middle of his hurt and anger, to "praise God more". This was super strange, but he decided to give it a try. So, he decided to use one of those hand-held clicking counter thingy's, and take a walk in his neighborhood. As he walked, he started to thank God for the things he came across that he felt blessed by, or thankful for. Things that brought him joy and or pleasure. "Thank you God for that fun tree I climbed so many times" "Thank you God for the shade of these trees as I walk in the hot sun" on and on. He had determined to say 'thank you' to God over the course of that new year 1,000 times. Thinking it would take him that long to do so. As he got back home, the counter had shown that he was already at 1,000 - IN ONE DAY! Absolutely shocked, he then had another life changing moment. In the middle of all of this pain over the death of his dad, he realized there were good moments he shared with him as well. So, he started thanking God for those moments. "Thank you God for allowing me to joke and laugh with my dad for 12 years" "thank you God for my dad teaching me how to fish" on and on...
His life changed that day in a BIG way. He drew closer to God and even though he didn't fully understand Gods plan and all, he understood that God DID give him good memories with his dad and the time they shared even though he still suffered the pain of that loss.
I can relate to this verse and pastor Paul's message. Before the death of my first husband, my daughter and I lived in a constant state of upheaval and fear. He pushed suffering on to us in angry, bitter, resentful ways - that really didn't have anything to do with us - but his past. He was abusive. Unpredictable. Yet, there were several memories of good times and fun. My perception of our life with him was clouded by the abuse for a long time. After his death, in our counseling, we both had to realize and admit - that even in the middle of such abuse, there were good moments too. It was a few years later, when we both started to realize that God was blessing us with things in the midst of life with him. Then God blessed us with SO many things in life after his passing!!
God 'granted us the joy of His presence' even in the middle of the hard stuff, the pain, the uncertainty. We just had to "look for it" like pastor Paul did. It worked! When we started letting go of the past and how it affected us in our trying to live our lives each day, we started seeing things a bit differently. We started a Thankful Journal way back then. I have tried to keep it up over these past 20+ years. Sure, some days I don't write things down, but then other days, I go way past my 'list of 3 things' LOL My challenge for you today: in your day, as you are walking through life "stop and smell the roses" so to speak. Look around you and SEE what God is blessing you with. SEE how He is right there with you. SEE all of the things He has done. Let God open your eyes to "show you" the ways in life that He has provided for you. Be brave. ASK Him to open your eyes and show you these things. You will not be able to hold on to grudges, frustration, and anger at God for very long. Look at and see the simple and complex things God had done and provided for you. Allow Him to "walk in the presence" with you and show you His glory. Your heart will be overfilled. You may cry. Letting go of anger, bitterness, hurt and confusion is scary - but it is SO freeing!! Letting go of your past guiding your future - and allowing God to free up your future - is going to be the BEST step you've ever made! Go ahead, go on a 'walk with Jesus' today - see what He has done. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed!
"granting me the joy of Your presence" this jumped out at me today. Reminding me of the sermon we heard in church this week. Our pastor admitted that when he was 12 years old, and his father died of a heroin overdose, he was VERY angry at God. He knew there was a God, but couldn't wrap his mind around God allowing such pain. He called himself an 'angry-theist' not an 'atheist' because he understood that God is the One who created everything. However, in the middle of his pain and anger, he didn't see how 'pain' was a part of God. He felt that if God "loved" us (him in particular) that He would have stopped his fathers death.
Then one day someone told him, in the middle of his hurt and anger, to "praise God more". This was super strange, but he decided to give it a try. So, he decided to use one of those hand-held clicking counter thingy's, and take a walk in his neighborhood. As he walked, he started to thank God for the things he came across that he felt blessed by, or thankful for. Things that brought him joy and or pleasure. "Thank you God for that fun tree I climbed so many times" "Thank you God for the shade of these trees as I walk in the hot sun" on and on. He had determined to say 'thank you' to God over the course of that new year 1,000 times. Thinking it would take him that long to do so. As he got back home, the counter had shown that he was already at 1,000 - IN ONE DAY! Absolutely shocked, he then had another life changing moment. In the middle of all of this pain over the death of his dad, he realized there were good moments he shared with him as well. So, he started thanking God for those moments. "Thank you God for allowing me to joke and laugh with my dad for 12 years" "thank you God for my dad teaching me how to fish" on and on...
His life changed that day in a BIG way. He drew closer to God and even though he didn't fully understand Gods plan and all, he understood that God DID give him good memories with his dad and the time they shared even though he still suffered the pain of that loss.
I can relate to this verse and pastor Paul's message. Before the death of my first husband, my daughter and I lived in a constant state of upheaval and fear. He pushed suffering on to us in angry, bitter, resentful ways - that really didn't have anything to do with us - but his past. He was abusive. Unpredictable. Yet, there were several memories of good times and fun. My perception of our life with him was clouded by the abuse for a long time. After his death, in our counseling, we both had to realize and admit - that even in the middle of such abuse, there were good moments too. It was a few years later, when we both started to realize that God was blessing us with things in the midst of life with him. Then God blessed us with SO many things in life after his passing!!
God 'granted us the joy of His presence' even in the middle of the hard stuff, the pain, the uncertainty. We just had to "look for it" like pastor Paul did. It worked! When we started letting go of the past and how it affected us in our trying to live our lives each day, we started seeing things a bit differently. We started a Thankful Journal way back then. I have tried to keep it up over these past 20+ years. Sure, some days I don't write things down, but then other days, I go way past my 'list of 3 things' LOL My challenge for you today: in your day, as you are walking through life "stop and smell the roses" so to speak. Look around you and SEE what God is blessing you with. SEE how He is right there with you. SEE all of the things He has done. Let God open your eyes to "show you" the ways in life that He has provided for you. Be brave. ASK Him to open your eyes and show you these things. You will not be able to hold on to grudges, frustration, and anger at God for very long. Look at and see the simple and complex things God had done and provided for you. Allow Him to "walk in the presence" with you and show you His glory. Your heart will be overfilled. You may cry. Letting go of anger, bitterness, hurt and confusion is scary - but it is SO freeing!! Letting go of your past guiding your future - and allowing God to free up your future - is going to be the BEST step you've ever made! Go ahead, go on a 'walk with Jesus' today - see what He has done. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed!
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