What Does Twilight Look Like To You

Isaiah 21:4 (NIV) My heart falters, fear makes me tremble; the twilight I longed for has become a horror to me.

This chapter contains prophecies against Babylon, Edom and Arabia. However, this verse jumped out at me for a different reason. First of all, I had a bit of an MEF (mind’s eye flash) of sitting on a porch overlooking the vast sky towards a big open space. Watching the sun set. Actually sitting there anticipating the setting sun and all of the colors that will be painted across the sky at twilight. How amazing and beautiful the sky becomes each and every night, as God uses it to create a magnificent canvas of art for us to enjoy! I am absolutely amazed each time I see His wonderful sunsets!

Then the MEF changed. These verses reminded me of the times I have lost loved ones. How that beautiful night sky became a symbol of the fear, yes even horror of the night to come. The beauty might as well have turned to ashes at that moment inside my very heart and soul. The fear of the upcoming night, that held emptiness, dread, sorrow, loss. Instead of warmth, there was deep inner coldness. Instead of peacefulness, there were tears and sleeplessness. Instead of the night sky energizing me with thankfulness, it caused an impending pit of dread.

This verse reminded me, that even though the world still goes on, and people still ‘live life’ around someone suffering – the person suffering does not “see” the times of day the same way others might. It is as if time has literally stopped and stands still, not advancing at all. Yes, I have rose-colored glasses on most of the time. And I have the blessing from God to have a Polly Anna way of looking at things – but, there have been times I have felt/lived this deep pain and sorrow.

As I was reflecting on this type of ‘loss’ another MEF popped up – the picture of someone who has been addicted to something and is trying to get clean. Get away from the addiction. As they see the twilight coming, a different type of fear sets in – but one just as powerful. Sitting on the same refreshing porch as before, but all of a sudden as the sky starts to change, the thick, heavy blanket of the coming darkness starts to weigh heavy all over me. The blanket is filled with fear, anxiety, unbelief, weakness… (I have been in this spot too) As the twilight comes, I cannot help but draw my knees in, curl up, and try to hide from what is coming. The night time, is the most frequented time that addictions get out of control. Sometimes, the darkness seems to have WAY more power over us, than we can even handle! The struggle between doing what is right and being sucked into the grips of darkness becomes much more real as twilight approaches. If the addiction was done in secret, then the night just brings all of the self-doubt and whispers of shame from however long we were trapped. With it comes a bombardment of lies, shame, insecurity, worry, doubt – even fear. Fear of “doing without” and fear of “will I fail again” with the additional fear of “will I survive the night”.

Oh my goodness, another MEF just hit: someone that survives sexual assault. The person that had someone come and violate them in the darkness, is gripped by a different set of fears that makes their heart tremble and dread set in. Even after the violator is gone or not around – this time of night seems to trigger something uncontrollable inside.

The pain and suffering that comes with twilight drowns out the enjoyment that God created it to be. Do we have to live with our nights like this forever? NO!! That would NOT be how God wants us to live at all! He is so open, willing and ready to take all of this pain, fear, suffering from us. To lock it away from ever hurting us again. Jesus actually took ALL of these different pains and sufferings on Himself at the cross. Both for our sake, and for the sake of the one that may have contributed to our dread. The loved one that we lost. The persons that got us started in our addiction. The ‘bad person’ who’s actions stole our innocence. Jesus took on EVERYONE’s sin when He died on the cross. Past, present and future. Yours, mine, theirs.

I have suffered each and every one of these MEF’s that God walked me back through this morning. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m free. Was it easy? NO! Not at all! Did I falter and sway back into darkness? Of course I have/did. How did I get through each of these “twilight moments” that shaped the way I did and viewed things for quite some time? First of all, prayer. However, I remember thinking “how is prayer going to fix this?!” and being a bit rebellious in my turning to God, at first. Like I somehow ‘wanted’ to not be comforted. Silly me!! The moments of darkness that seemed to take my very breath away, that closed in and surrounded me like a deep pit – in those moments through tear stained eyes, I would close them tight and cry out to God asking for Him to do something, anything, to show me that He is still there and still in control. I didn’t fully expect Him to show up – but He always did! Either by something nudging me in my heart, or a thought running through my mind, or a soft little whisper in my ear. Other times, it would be someone calling at just the right time, or knocking on my door at the very moment I felt like I was drowning below the surface without a life-vest. God shows up every time!! Not always in the ways we want or think He should – but as I reflect back now – I see that it was Him showing up each and every time in some very creative ways!

Today, enjoy the light! Enjoy the sun and all that the day brings. Tonight, if you are like Isaiah and the coming of the evening starts to bring what he wrote in this verse – I beg you to cry out to and look at God for the reversing of these feelings for you. Start now, while it is light, to look up verses that will bring your courage, strength, peace, comfort, and security. Like Isaiah 41:13 where God tells us we do not have to be afraid and all we have to do is hold up our right hand and He WILL be there to hold it!!

(NIV) For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

(MSG) That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’

(NASB) “For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand,
Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’

(NLT) For I hold you by your right hand—I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.

THIS was the verse I clung to more than any other during each of these visits of darkness I experienced. I still cling to it today when something starts to rob my joy of the day God has provided for me. I am much quicker at reaching up my right hand now too LOL and asking Him for His help.

Oh Beloved – I am praying for you today if you are experiencing this verse. I am praying for the person in your life that is going through this verse and/or these moments in their life. With God and His ultimate power and resources – we CAN and WILL get through these moments. There truly is ‘day’ and brightness on the other side of the darkness. Reach up to Him, let Him take your hand and gently lead you through this darkness and fear. KNOW this: you ARE loved!! You ARE His child. He wants you to enjoy life, and NOT suffer in darkness! Big ((HUG)) to you today!